Tara Reflects on Helping Payton Make Her Way in This World

Our Journey: Heartache:

"Sunday we attempted church again. Sunday school always goes very well - and I am thankful for that. This Sunday I got out of my class earlier than Payton's (very unusual), so I was able to watch her thru the window. A teenager was helping Payton with the activity they were doing...I guess I should say 'trying to help Payton'. Payton was standing up so I would've guessed she would've been very active at this point....instead she was spaced off, mouth open - in her own world. She does that when she is either overstimulated or overwhelmed. Seeing her face like that kills me. Heartache.

Then, on to the worship service. I keep trying to take her - thinking eventually she will have a good experience. And, I do try to pay close attention to see when she's about to lose it or see when she's had enough. Payton was nervous as soon as we sat down, so I tried to sidetrack her with goldfish crackers. It worked for a second, but then the choir started to sing......there's got to be something about the organ and the piano. She screamed at the top of her lungs and covered her ears. We bolted out as fast as we could. It's obvious it hurts and I hate it for her. Heartache."